Struggling

1-3 in my house is really, really hard. I'm almost always in tears at some point. 1-3 is naptime/quiet time and I can't seem to get it right. We are pushing for quiet time, but the behavior and the common occurrence of falling asleep after alllll the negative behavior comes out says that he probably still needs that sleep. Whatever I do, however I mix it up, we end up with a 3 year old antagonizing his mom and his brother resulting in a baby who can't sleep and a momma who is very frustrated. This will pass, I know that to be true, but in the moment it is hard. Very hard. Hard to know myself as such a frustrated person and not the calm and patient person and mom that I strive to be. I have a fear that in ten years I will look back and remember my frustrated times instead of the amazing times and the times that I am calm, cool and collected. I don't want to take this for granted, I don't want to feel like I wasted it.